


Harsh light of day

by katiebuttercup



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-05 19:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiebuttercup/pseuds/katiebuttercup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras is sure that he slept with Grantaire but he can't remember anything and Grantaire is denying everything</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: all characters are not mine 

Everything is at once familiar and new. He is in his own bed and room to be sure but it feels as if he has never seen it before. 

His head is pounding and he breathes deeply until the nausea passes.  
How the hell did Grantaire do this every week? 

Grantaire....

His highly organised brain is struggling against the alcohol still running through his system.

Bits and pieces are emerging, scraps and memories of touch and sound, heavy breathing and limbs wrapped around each other. 

Enjolras remembers that feeling if having someone on top of him, he's not a stranger to sex despite what his roommates think he is just selective and discreet.

Last night discretion flew out if the window rather spectacularly. 

Finals were kicking his ass and he had been an inch away from throwing himself out of the window with the stress Grantaire had handed him a flask and seeing no other way he had taken it. He had researched and studied to his limit he could do no more physically but he always strove to do more, achieve more but here he had hit his wall. 

and it hurt. 

Things then were hazy, Enjolras for all his stamina was not a drinker and he was over his limit fairly quickly. He remembered Grantaire's warning and worried look but had ignored it. 

He didn't want to think. 

The pain inside his head and the stress in his body was a physical weight around his throat, so many responsibilities so many people relying on him, the pressure he put on himself it was unbearable.

The alcohol had helped, at least a little he couldn't see himself reaching for it again, but he liked the off feeling of being slightly other. Enjolras but not Enjolras at the same time. 

And he had made the first move. 

He had been so mad atGrantaire's apparent blasé attitude to finals. He swanned thoroughly life with no apparent work ethic.

He knew that was unfair, Grantaire did work hard but that enraged him even more. Grantaire was capable more than he had the potential to be great and he wasted it drowning in alcohol instead. 

He stumbled out of bed and into the shower feeling a little better afterwards and if he had a certain person in mind as he took himself in hand then it was between him and he shower room. 

He wasn't sure how he felt now. 

Grantaire was certainly important to him although he rarely showed it. Grantaire blasted into his life and systematically destroyed the neat alphabetic order of his life with a bright smirk and drunken jibes and sometimes Enjolras felt a fire burning below his breastbone when he saw him, anger he told himself. 

The kitchen was empty save for grantaire who seemed to be inhaling toast, and something kicked in Enjolras' gut. He didn't know how to deal with this. 

"Hey,"

It wasn't original but he trusted Grantaire to take over to make a crude joke, something to assure Enjolras that things hadn't changed. 

"Morning sunshine, sleep well?"

The question startled Enjolras. Why would Grantaire ask how he slept when he had been lying beside him? His pillow had the impression of Grantaire's head. 

"Fine, thanks" he said shortly. "Look about last night..."

Grantaire hurriedly collected his plate and dumped it into the sunk. He didn't look at Enjolras.

 

"Don't worry I won't tell anyone that you actually got drunk enough to pass out"

"That's not what I meant.., I meant us about us having sex last night" 

He wasn't usually so blunt but Grantaire's determination to run was pissing him off and hurting his already sensitive head.

"We didn't sleep together" 

No one made Enjolras want to punch walls like Grantaire and he could feel his patience begin to wain.

"Don't play games Grantaire I remember everything" it was a little white lie he remembered enough. He thrust Grantaire's watch that he had picked up from the the tangled mess of his bed covers. Grantaire blanched but didn't say anything.

"Why are you even pretending? Isn't this what you've wanted?"

It's a low blow and Grantaire winces and when he speaks it sounds like he's chewing glass. 

"You want to know why I'm like this? Because of you. You told me that this never happened that it meant nothing to you and not mention it to you again"

He smiled and it twisted Enjolras's heart. 

"Your pillow talk could use some work" Grantaire said bitterly. "For future reference people don't like to be called a stress reliever to their face. Something to keep in mind."

Enjolras opened his mouth but his mind was humming blankly. 

The door slam reverberated through his body unpleasantly.


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath....they could be grown ups and talk about what happened but they don't.

Notes: So I got a review so I am updating. 

 

After that things go back to normality quicker then Enjolras expects. Finals come and go and he survives as does everyone in their group-even Grantaire who actually turns up for all his exams. There is a group gathering to unveil their grades, Enjolras and Combeferre competing for the top but everyone gets what they expect and are happily confering with each other.

The notable exception is Grantaire and Enjolras only find out his results as Courfeyrac wraps an arm around Grantaire's neck and practically twists off his head in his excitement. Grantaire's face goes red with either embrassment or lack of oxygen.

"You did it!" Courfeyrac crows, still holding onto Grantaire, but this time giving the dark haired man room enough to breath,

"You kicked ass!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Grantaire says, but he is smiling, pleased with himself despite the self deprecating drawl.

"Shut up, you worked your ass off for that!" Courfeyrac says and it gives Enjolras courage enough to join in.

"In between drinking binges, I suppose."

There is a moment when Enjolras feels the wind knocked out of him as Grantaire looks at him, there is something missing in Grantaire's eyes that Enjolras is used to seeing and now misses but he can't put his finger on. No one else has mentioned or noticed anything different between them. True to his word Grantaire hadnt mentioned their drunken night to anyone, and Grantaire is still Grantaire, taking every opportunity to get a rise out of him, he doesn't spend more or less time with Enjolras, the pattern remains but Enjolras is left wanting.

What he wants he has no idea.

Grantaire was the same before he had sex with him and now afterwards, he should be greatful but he's not.

It's a puzzle and it's screwing with his head, he hasn't found a puzzle he couldn't do since he was twelve.

Grantaire grins back at him, "Yep! Study aid."

That is another thing. By now Grantaire would have called him Apollo but the nickname has been dropped, Enjolras didn't particularly like it or it's connotation but he was used to it. He missed it. 

"Hey can I talk to you?" He hopes it comes out casual but he can't tell because of the blood pounding in his ears. Grantaire hesitates for a beat, but Enjolras knows he can't say no-not in front of Courf-that would arouse suspcioun and Grantaire has been careful to maintain the illusion that everything is fine between them. Hell maybe it's not an illusion and it's all in Enjolras's mind. 

Maybe it's him and he is the only one that can see the difference.

That fucking hurts.

Courfeyrac takes his leave and Grantaire hauls himself onto the kitchen counter, long legs swaying. Enjolras hates when he does that, it's unhygenic. He can't help but smile when he remembers how Grantaire had cheerfully told him that if sitting on the counter was considered unhygenic then he should talk to Jehan and Courfeyrac. 

His smile vanishes. Grantaire is staring at him and suddenly the void is back inside of Enjolras. Grantaire is the same Grantaire as of a week ago but Enjolras is not the same. 

And maybe that was the point.

He knows now that Grantaire was the wrong choice, that it couldn't be the casual one night Enjolras had wanted it to be because he had known how Grantaire had felt about him. But he was selfish, he didn't particularly want to go out and get groped by a stranger and so he had settled on the known quantity. 

But it seemed that he had fucked all the feeling out of Grantaire. 

"What's up?"

Just like that, what's up? and Enjolras should say, something equally flippant like 'nothing' or 'exams suck' or a hundred different things but he doesn't.

"I'm not sorry I slept with you."

Grantaire's face twists painfully until it even out, he casually leans back, but Enjolras can see he's making sure there is no one in earshot.

"Forget it." 

Forget it. Move on. Enjolras wishes he could but the truth is, the farther he gets away from the night the more vivid it gets and Enjolras doesn't want to forget. He wants to remember.

"Just pick someone else next time exams come round, yeah?"

"Grantaire, please don't hate me"

Grantaire swings himself down from the counter, he doesn't look at Enjolras as he walks past but he can hear him clearly.

"I don't hate you, Apollo.I hate myself."


	3. Wherin nothing happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras has never procrastinated before....he doesn't like it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fault of my beautiful reviewers and kudos people. I have no idea what I am doing with this fic, I think it and write it down this is it's rawest form, the first draft and you all liking it means the world to me.  
> So I have no idea what I am about to write but I hope you like it

Enjolras stares at the ceiling, there's nothing there, just blank white that all university dorms were painted. Jehan had painted his a bright shimmering blue, despite the fact that it was against the rules. He couldn't live with white walls he had complained, they sucked the energy and creativity out of the soul.

Enjolras prefered the blank cream walls, he didn't say it, knowing he would be teased but everyone knew it anyway. Enjolras was focused on his studies on his commitments to the ABC, cosmetics didn't concern him. Four walls a floor and a bed and he was happy. He almost dreaded going into his friends' room and being bombarded with images, half naked women, men, cars, movie posters tacked to the wall, and in Jehan's case flowers.

He liked the cool, soothing blankness of his room.

But now it was driving him slowly insane.

 

His brain had stalled, once he was consumed with passion, the desire and drive to do *something*, he was always planning, and talking and doing and now there was nothing.

He couldn't focus on anything, no book held his attention for longer than a glance, he had no interest in tv or radio or even his next protest. 

He should be doing something.

What he has no idea, but he has the vague idea it should involve Grantaire.

But Enjolras has no answers, they are at a stalemate. Grantaire doesn't want to talk and he hasn't the words. 

If it were the Katherine Heigel movies that Jehan and Cosette and Eponine (although she once punched Courfeyrac in the throat when he had implied that she enjoyed the movies) he would get a burst of inspiration or an outside source would suddenly appear to bring them together. One of their friends would be hurt and his eyes would meet Grantaire's in a hospital room and suddenly he would have the right words to make everything alright.

He dismisses that as quickly as it enters his brain. He's not in love with Grantaire and he certainly doesn't want any of his friends to be hurt although he's pretty sure Joly can come up with a suitably drastic disease that he is dying of to help.

But real life unllike the movies trundles on and nothing changes, Grantaire is still a huge part of the group, he had feared that Grantaire would retreat behind a bottle, and although his drinking is stil at what Enjolras would call an unacceptable level it hasn't increased. 

So there's that.

The thing it circles back to is he shouldn't have slept with Grantaire, but he can't regret it, doesn't want to. It's not the first time he has slept with someone close to him, the only other occasion was Courfeyrac, but it hadn't stayed with him beyond a really hot night that still caused him to blush. This was different.

He knows his passion scares some people. He feels deeply, Grantaire would say he cares about ideals rather then people, he struggles to connect with people one on one when not focused on a goal. He finds it nearly impossible to just 'hang out' unless it's with his tight knit group and even then they know to expect an impassioned speech once in a while. Enjolras can't stop being who he is. 

That's why he doesn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, it would take away time and effort from his causes, he (just barely) knows when to find a release and has never had a problem finding a willing partner.

He has never had an inclination to have anything else in his life. His life is dedicated to the betterment of society and everything else comes second. 

Until Grantaire.

That night was burned into his brain, the images had only become clearer and they haunted him. 

The more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable questions he was asking himself. 

The words he had spoken to Grantaire, ones he was ashamed of now, were not new ones and the few of his bedfellows had the exact same sentiment, hell Courfeyrac had the same attitue although he supposed he sugar coated it with compliments but Enjolras was nothing but honest. 

And now he had to be honest with himself.

 

And if he was hones.....

 

He'd wanted Grantaire for longer then he was striclty comfortable with. He had been able to cover it up with his own distain for parts of Grantaire's personality and his drive. Whenever he considered Grantaire for more than a second the drunk was more than likely to say something that would make Enjolras burn with rage.

But now he had nothing but time

Time to think

And stew

And realize he was screwed

And in a lot more trouble then he had ever imagined.

He's dragged from his increasingly depressing thoughts when a knock came at the door, he turned and his heart stuttered in his chest. Grantaire leaned against the doorframe and Enjolras tried not to notice the way his shirt hugged his stomach. 

Fuck, 

He was so screwed.

"Courf said you got his history book," Grantaire said. There was nothing in Grantaire's tone that invited any conversation. It was a transaction, Enjolras handed the book over and almost immedately Grantaire turned away.

"Hey!"

Enjolras was surprised to hear his own voice he had no idea what to say. 

Grantire apparantly knew that because he raised an eyebrow challangingly when Enjolras failed to elaborate he said,

"Your sorry for hurting my delicate little feelings and things are getting a little tense so you'd appreciate it if we could move forward with our lives."

He's essentially summed it all up but it does nothing to ease the tightness in his gut.

There's nothing left. Enjolras is a man of action, he makes decisions based on his gut and on passion and so he moves, crowding Grantaire into a corner. Grantaire eyes him warily.

"I'm sober. You're sober." 

Grantaire points to the floor, "That's a floor that's a door whats your point?"

"I don't take what I said back, we should just forget what happened."

Pain flares in Grantaire's dark eyes, but suddenly Enjolras grabbed Grantaire's chin roughtly and fisted his other hand in his tshirt pulling him close.

"We should do this sober!"

He presses his advantage as Grantaire's mouth falls open and kisses him roughly.

And every question Enjolras has flies out of the window along with reason and common sense. 

Grantaire pushes him away, chest heaving, he eyes Enjolras with suspicion and barely hidden pain. 

"What is this? A repeat performance?"

"What do you want from me?" Enjolras demanded, "You think I don't know what you want? You think I don't know how you feel about me."

"What I want you can't give me. No one can, there's no room for me or anyone in your life, you barely make time for your friends and the only reason you do is because you are dragging them to your protests with you. God, Enjolras if I could make you see me."

"I do..."

"No, you see a way to fix a problem, and that's not the same thing."

He moves to leave but Enjolras grabs his shoulder, his whole body is coiled tightly with rage. He's sick of listening to how he supposedly doesn't care, for once Enjolras is going to speak and Grantaire is going to listen. Grantaire is strong but Enjolras has surprise on his side.

"You think I don't see you but I do, I see your lonliness and I want to take it away, it means more to me than a revolution, that's my cause." His lips are close to Grantaire's ear, he's making sure he is the only thing Grantaire can hear or see or feel. He needs the dark haired man to feel overwhelmed, the way he does when he is around. 

"You are my cause,"

"I am an unworthy cause."

"There's no such thing," Enjolras whispers back. 

 

 

And I'm ending it there because I have no idea where to go. I have no idea how it got here and I hope it's not too weird. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed I love all of you thank youxxxx


	4. Interruptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it was just getting good. Cold showers all round

Enjolras can beat any kind of resistance, he is methodical, he works to get through cracks whether it be by protesting loud enough or by using his experience in the law. If there is a loophole he will find it. 

And he's found Grantaires.

The thig with Grantaire is that he doesn't like his personal space being invaded, he's like Enjolras in that respect. Sure he is confrontational but unless it's a fight he doesn't like being close to people, there is always a suble distance, he usually accomplishes this through copious amount of alcohol and being unbearable, teasing and prodding until whoever is too close backs away. He's noticed it in their arguments, he knows Enjolras doesn't want to get too close, knows he hates his drinking and so is safe but there is nowhere for him to go now and Enjolras presses his advantage. There is nothing between them, and Grantaire has nowhere to go but against the wall. 

He has no pretty words, he saves them for his speeches, seduction is quick and efficient, he enjoys Jehan's poetry but he could never replicate it and he doubts Grantaire will appreciate it. 

Grantaire is a cynic, he needs proof and so Enjolras gives it to him, lets the hard kiss he presses against his mouth, insistant and demanding tell him what Enjolras isn't comfortable saying out loud, that he's not eve sure he's come to terms with yet. 

Physical attraction is one thing

This thing lurking at the back of his mind is quite another. 

Grantaire's protests have largely disappeared although he seems to be having a crisis, one hand has gripped the curls at the nape of Enjolras' neck hard and the other hand is on his stomach, pushing him slightly away, it makes it difficult for him to get the right angle and he's pretty sure the artist's hand shouldn't twist that way,his own hand wraps around the offending appendage placing it around his waist instead. 

Enjolras has never been shy in getting what he wants, and although transfering this desire onto another human being is slightly strange to a man who has been consumed with a higher calling for much of his life, he has always beiieved love was a sacrfiice he would make for making the world better, it hadn't ever bothered him before. What could give him greater pleasure than fighting for what was right and just? For those who had no voice?

Kissing Grantaire apparantly was making a serious counter argument. 

"Hey anyone home?" Courfeyrac's voice called through the wall distancing himself from Enjolras.

Grantaire twisted in his arms, ripping himself away with a physical wrench. 

"Yeah!" Grantaire shouted back, he couldn't quite make himself look at Grantaire but Enjolras made sure that he could feel his gaze. 

The void that had been slowly opening up inside of him was closing, he realized why he had not been able to focus on anything, he'd been looking in the wrong place,

But there was nothing that would stop Enjolras once he had found his path. 

 

A/N: And I'm back, this is the last post for today I swear. Sorry about Courfeyrac's interruption. What's going to happen next? I have no idea. This is getting a little close to my other fic 'All the things he said' I am really loving the idea of agressiveEnjolras, I think he would take charge in a seduction/relationship and almost reluctant Grantaire so I don't know what to do next.


	5. Bad to worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enjolras misunderstands Grantaire on an impressive scale

Enjolras can feel courfeyrac's gaze on him while he eats the pizza Courf had brought home. Grantaire had bolted soon after, grabbing himself a couple of slices before heading out of the door without glancing back. 

"What have you done Enjolras?" Courfeyrac's asks and Enjolras is startled at the serious tone from his least serious friend. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Why does Grantaire look like that?" Courfeyrac's asks, there is an accusation in hs friends tone and Enjolras blinks. No one ever talks to him like this. 

"I kissed Grantaire--it's what he wanted!" Enjolras ends up shouting because Courfeyrac's throws him a dirty look bad gets to his feet heading for the door. Enjolras follows because he doesn't like the idea of being on the wrong side of a fight. 

He's not in the wrong. 

He's not. 

Courfeyrac's shrugs on his jacket, his face as solemn as Enjolras had ever seen it. 

"You might've given him what he wanted but it's not what he needs and now I've got to deal with the fallout. Thanks Enjolras."

"This isn't my fault." Enjolras bites out. 

"Yes. Yes it is." Courfeyrac's disagrees, his tone is unnervingly friendly, "I don't know what game you're playing but you are better then this, and believe it or not Grantaire deserves better."

"You always tell me to loosen up! To engage in life and I did and now I'm the bad guy."

"You are the bad guy because you "engaged in life" with the worst possible person." Courfeyrac looks him straight in the eye. 

"Grantaire loves you Enjolras I mean *loves* you and you took advantage of him because you finally decided to join the human race. A one night stand isn't enough for him"

"It's not a one night stand" Enjolras says sullenly, "I told him..."

"A string of one night stands isn't any better. You can't give Grantaire what he wants and giving him this farce is forcing him down a slippery slope that most of us are trying to keep him away from."

There is a cold, insidious feeling crawling down Enjolras's spine. He's not used to seeing himself in a less then noble light. It feels terrible.

"Tell me what to do." 

He's never helpless he never asks for help but here it is and Enjolras feels no shame. His friends mean the world to him, even Grantaire. He never meant to hurt him.

"Stay away from Grantaire for a while at least until you figure out what you want and how you feel, really feel." Courfeyrac says. 

"I know you didn't mean any harm I know you think you were doing Grantaire a favour but..."

Enjolras shut her eyes, "I'm clueless. I get the message"

Courfeyrac smiles genuinely, "clueless not hopeless"


End file.
